you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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