Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
