ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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