my room smells like sperm. sweet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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