if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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