you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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