I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
