I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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