I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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