her vagine was all disorganized.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
