Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
