I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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