sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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