Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Everclear isn't food dammit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
