Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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