He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
