My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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