So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
