I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
