Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
