Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize