So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
