So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
