what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
