Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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