Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
