How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
