But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
