So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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