So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
