ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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