Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Randomize
