Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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