You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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