Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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