i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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