i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
