I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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