So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its about making memories worth repressing
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
