he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
