i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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