I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
