i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
