I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize