I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
