I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
