If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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