so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
