creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize