I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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