shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
