did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
