apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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