In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
