WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize