Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
babies were throwing up all over the place
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the liver wants what the liver wants
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
