Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
