you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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