it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
