if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize