sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
