Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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