when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
