so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
