just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
