she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
