Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sober January is a disaster.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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