They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
