Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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