Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
