isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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