these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
