I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
