Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
