he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
