yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
