can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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