I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
