hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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