yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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