I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
