I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
