dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
