What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
