Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
