This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
