You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
