The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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