I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
