okay pat passed out under dana's car
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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