I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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