I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
