bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
