Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
