The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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