Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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