You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
