so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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